Tag Archives: Women’s Issues

It’s Okay to be a Single Pringle in this Artificial Holiday We Call Valentine’s Day

Slavica Mijakovac

The holidays, in particular Valentine’s Day, makes it really easy for people to experience depression because we are constantly filtered with images of who we should be spending it with and what we should be doing. Whether it’s with family, friends or a significant other, the deal is, if you’re alone during the holidays, any holiday, then something is clearly wrong with you. Which, let’s be real, is totally stupid because being single doesn’t somehow mean you have a lonely existence.

I say that as a proud single person of many years, relationships don’t equate to happiness regardless of what season of the year it is. The same can be said for when you have family, that doesn’t mean you’re close to them. The people I am closest too aren’t those related to me by genetics, they’re the people I met in my life who gave me their time, love and support, not because of blood ties and obligations but because they care about me.

“Family not only need to consist of merely those whom we share blood,  but also, for whom we’d give blood”

~ Charles Dickens

This February 14th, I will be busy with school, so no real time for all that fancy romance but one holiday doesn’t designate when I show the people in my life that I love them. For example, one of my friends has had a really stressful year and had been experiencing severe anxiety and depressive symptoms so I made her a card, telling her about what she means to me and that I’m always here for her if she needs me. That made her feel so much better about herself and knowing that I could make her day a little better, made me feel happier too.

In other words, it’s okay not to have a commercialized Hollywood reenactment of Valentine’s Day. Being single and alone on this overly commercialized holiday is fine because unlike the other poor suckers who are stressing out about where to eat, who to ask out, or what kind of chocolates to get, you could be taking a nice bath, reading a good book, snuggling up with your furry friends, and just enjoying the peacefulness of singleness because sometimes you need to spend time appreciating yourself instead.

 

 

 

How to Stay Motivated During the Cold Months

What do you do to prepare for the cold, daylight savings? How do you stay motivated during this transitional month?

Dana

I live in straight up denial in early fall that winter is coming.

via GIPHY

I absolutely hate winter, hate, the darkness, and hate the lazy bum it turns me into. Honestly, if it wasn’t for my dog I would probably never leave the house.

Now that we have less daylight, it’s harder to get everything you want to get done accomplished before it’s dark. Come home, let the dog out, make dinner, tidy up – and bam the sun is starting to set! My boyfriend and I have been “night hiking”, just hiking in the dark with flashlights with our dog. We haven’t ventured into any serious hiking trails (I’m scared of coyotes…), but we spend an hour or so near these trails by our house that are close enough to civilization that if we screamed someone would hear us.

We also are attempting to make up a nightly schedule for weeknights:

  • Come home, play with the dog for a few minutes
  • Work out in the garage for 30 minutes at least
  • Make dinner/take the dog out (interchangeable)
  • Clean up dinner mess
  • THEN relax and watch TV

That being said, we had this idea since September and we have yet to do it. But I know if we don’t stick to a schedule we will spend the majority of the night cuddled on the couch with a blanket and really unhealthy food. Last year we decided to try out a meal prep service because we found ourselves eating pasta and other carby foods a lot. It actually went really well and we enjoyed the service! They send you recipes and all the ingredients, local and fresh food. I ended up trying a lot of new things and eating way healthier than the year before. I think we are going to do it again this winter because it kept us busy (we ate out way less) and it was easy!

I don’t want to talk about my dog again (although I am dog obsessed) but honestly, having a dog gets your butt off the couch. Our dog in particular has endless amounts of energy

Cooper

in the cooler months so we have to spend a lot of time outside trying to tire him out. I usually get quite sad and mopey during the months of darkness (the dark times as I like to call them), but ever since getting Cooper (dog) I haven’t felt that way. Maybe it’s because every morning I am outside for at least 45 minutes with him (and I think the sun is up by then) and I can get that time in the light that every human needs. I also have an office that is an entire wall of windows to outside so that makes the workday less depressing. There’s nothing worse than leaving for work in the dark and coming home and it’s already dark. Luckily I don’t have to do that anymore! I used to work in an office with no windows, but my coworker and I would go for a walk at lunch everyday just to see some sunlight. I think that’s important to do if you can!

All in all, I would suggest just trying to get out there and do as much as possible. It’s harder said than done but maybe picking an activity to do over fall and winter can help people get out there and socialize and not hibernate. Try and make a schedule and stick to it! If you want to stay inside, fix little things around the house or try out new and exciting meals! And when all else fails, just have a big cup of hot chocolate!

Finding My Way Through Transitions

By: Allison

When the topic of transition came up as a theme for this month’s blog, I realized that not only is that the perfect word to describe this month, but my entire year. For me, transition comes hand in hand with uncertainty. 2017 has been marked by many changes as I moved from my home of five years to a new place with a partner, took on caring for two more pets, worked my first contract job, entered my final year of my diploma program, and started a new field placement. This month, I was expecting to be coasting along as I settled into a sense of rhythm after the great waves of change calmed down.

via GIPHY

I certainly did not expect this month to have started out feeling like I lost control of managing my life when the college faculty went on strike last month. Uncertainty was pervasive as many students felt left in the dark about whether or not their investment in a college education was worth the cost, and as college faculty fought for change to be made to improve working conditions. Now that the strike has been put to an end and students return to classrooms this week, there will certainly be many transitions to experience as we adjust to the semester being reworked.

Even before the strike started, life was throwing curve balls at me that were stretching me to my limits (like supporting my partner through a bout of pneumonia and being the target of fraud, to name a few), so by the time it was clear that the school year was not at all going to pan out as anyone thought, I felt like it was just another unexpected bump in the road to wait out. However, I did end up feeling like I had no sense of direction without the structure of school, and struggled to use my free time in a productive way.

Despite these feelings, in reflecting on this tension-filled month of uncertainty, I’ve realized that I’ve come a long way in how I manage times of transition. There have been many difficult ones in my past, and many new ones just this year alone. I have to ask myself – am I desensitized, or have I just built resiliency? I’m really hoping it’s the latter. So with that being said, I’m here to share the 3 things I strive to do in my life while weathering through transitions:


1. Look to the past to find perspective.

History has shown that it is easy for me to get intimidated by things I can’t control, so much that it’s easy to forget how much my life has changed for the better in recent years. During transitional and uncertain times, I look back to my old journals and never fail to find some wisdom that helps me realize that things used to be far more daunting and more uncertain, and yet I managed to find joy in the unexpected. At this point, it is only my school schedule that seems uncertain, and I am very lucky that my means of survival are currently not. This knowledge helps me appreciate my life for what it is and prepare to face the future.

2. Open new doors while allowing others to close.

This is largely in reference to the transitions taking place in my social life. Now more than ever, I am seeing that people are always coming and going, and although some goodbyes have happened recently, there have been many hellos. This is also true in terms of opportunities, in that some undertakings of mine don’t always work out in the way I had hoped – but there is always something new to pursue that I never would have anticipated. I’m seeing that it’s okay for some things to come to an end (or a standstill), whether it be a relationship or a project, because there are always new beginnings coming right around the corner.

3. Challenge myself to go out of my comfort zone.

Case in point: this blog post. I decided to challenge myself to write this and feel the rush of vulnerability I’m going to feel when it goes online. I’ve also taken on new leadership roles in the community that have been intimidating, but necessary for my growth. Going out of my comfort zone and trying new pursuits helps me grow even more comfortable with the discomfort that comes with transitions and uncertainty. Instead of having to respond to events taking place beyond my control, I get to make a choice to step into the unknown, which is a pretty empowering feeling.

Ultimately, I’m realizing the truth in that the uncertainty that comes with transitions is a natural part of life, and although I may still be uncomfortable with the idea of uncertainty, I’ve made leaps in how I respond to it. Everyone has had their own way of reacting to the unexpected, and while the circumstances in my life may be changing, my approaches to dealing with them have always been reliable

There’s a quote I’ve seen displayed at my placement agency that speaks to me. It reads:

“Find the courage to let go of what you can’t change.”

In accepting what I can’t control in my life and taking charge of the things I can, I’m hopeful that I can be courageous enough to make friends with uncertainty, and not only welcome times of transition as they arise in my life, but embrace them with optimism.

Women in the Canadian Armed Forces

By: Valerie Chalmers

Throughout Canadian history women have actively participated in war from the home front to the front lines. The percentage of women in the Canadian Armed Forces (Regular Force and Primary Reserve combined), the Royal Canadian Air Force, and the Canadian Army range between 12.4% and 18.4%. Women enrollment in the CAF sits below 20% for a variety of reasons. The CAF have implemented a variety of initiatives for employment equity and earlier this year the Canadian Armed Forces launched a program to give women the opportunity to learn about military life before they decide to join.

“War has impacted Canadian women’s lives in different ways, depending on their geographical location, and their racial and economic status. Pre-20th-century conflicts had great impact on women in Canada — Aboriginal women in particular — whose communities could be dispossessed and devastated by colonial militaries. Women were interned in Canada during wartime — that is, detained and confined — because their background could be traced to enemy states.” – The Canadian Encyclopedia

Canadian women have had a consistent presence throughout the various wars our country has been involved in. During both the First and Second World Wars women organized home defence, trained in rifle shooting and military drill. In 1941, 50,000 women enlisted in the air force, army and navy. Throughout different divisions they were trained for clerical, administrative and support roles as well as cooks, nurses and seamstresses. Women’s involvement expanded when they began to work as parachute riggers, laboratory assistants, drivers and within the electrical and mechanical trades. Women also worked to maintain our home economy by volunteering inside and outside of the country, producing and conserving food, raising funds for hospitals, ambulances, hostels and aircrafts. Women have made considerable contributions to Canada’s military efforts, despite this it wasn’t until 1989 where all military positions were opened to women.

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Start Somewhere

Niagara Leadership Summit for Women

Sana Shah (Brock University)

On Saturday October 28th, YWCA Niagara Region hosted the fourth Annual Niagara Leadership Summit for Women. Since October is Women’s History Month, it seemed to be fitting to end the month on such a positive note. It was great to see a few men present in the crowd, who supported women’s rights and ability to lead in a rather male dominated community. I hope to see more men in the future at the summit because gender inequality does not only concern women; it is a larger problem concerning the Canadian community as a whole.

Ashley Callingbull was the keynote speaker for the summit, who became the first First Nations and Canadian woman to win the Mrs. Universe title in 2015. She is devoted to supporting the community. She shared with the audience her struggling childhood, and how she as a First Nations woman has to work extra hard to make achievements. Shining light on this issue, she further explained how she experienced racism from a young age. She brought attention to cases of missing and murdered indigenous women. However, most importantly she reminded the crowd that you can do anything you want to do, and be anything you want to be, and that the only person holding you down is yourself. So let us hold on to that and try to change the gender divide one-step at a time.

Once Ashley wrapped up her address, we had an opportunity to attend a workshop from a choice four, which included; Leadership in parenting, Women in politics, Breaking barriers in mental health, and Business and entrepreneurship.

I attended the Women in politics workshop, which focused greatly on the Niagara region. It was led by Elizabeth Zimmerman, Mishka Balsom, Debbie Zimmerman, Joyce Morroco, Carol Stewart-Kirkby, and Shirley Cordiner. We discussed as a group about Niagara’s democratic deficit in women’s representation in local politics. There is a link between low female voter turnout and low female representation in politics. After the workshop we took a short break and had a choice of attending another workshop from the following options; Aboriginal community justice, Conquering barriers to success, Decolonizing language, Disability leadership, Fair trade, Race and racism, Self-care for caregivers, Success in a male dominated industry, Women in STEM, and Volunteerism

I chose to attend the workshop on Aboriginal Justice, let by Celeste Smith. She spoke about the over-representation of Aboriginal youth as incarcerated individuals, regardless of Aboriginal people making up only 4% of the Canadian population. Smith is the director of Three Fires Community Justice Program, which is a diversion program that provides healing for Aboriginal youth and adults charged with criminal offence. It focuses on the community taking responsibility of the individuals that is at fault. The program begins with the belief that everyone is worth something.

Based on the two workshops I attended, I only wish I could have attended all of them, as they were quite insightful. The summit came to a closing with a discussion panel about women in politics; with a focus on voting, and closing remarks from Elisabeth Zimmerman (Executive Director of YWCA Niagara Region).

This summit was a Call to Action, a call to show up, take action and support one another. In order to make a large impact we need to start small, we need to start somewhere. Even the women’s rights movement started with only a handful of likeminded people who eventually got women the status of being ‘people’ in Canada and the right to vote. It may not be as bad as back then, but we are still far from being on the same playing field and having the same representation. As I end this piece, I encourage, just like most of the presenters at the summit, to save the date OCTOBER 22ND 2018 to go out and vote in the municipal elections. Have your voice heard. We can do anything we want; we just need to start somewhere.

Fresh Start

As Spring transitions into Summer it’s easy to forget that Winter even exists. The sun shine stays longer, you can see flowers, trees and other plants coming to life and everything just feels a little bit more relaxed. New Years is the traditional time to set goals or start a new positive, healthy habit. As we all know, the running joke for New Year’s Resolutions is that the majority of people abandon them by February or March. If we know the season’s have the ability to affect our moods, productivity and motivation, then maybe we should aim to set our goals for a little later in the year.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a type of depression that’s related to changes in seasons. Traditionally it begins and ends about the same time every year. The Mayo Clinic states, “Most people with SAD’s symptoms start in the fall and continue into the winter months, sapping your energy and making you feel moody.” The Canadian Mental Health Association has research that suggests between 2 and 3 per cent of the general population may have Seasonal Affective Disorder, another 15 per cent will have a less severe experience called the “winter blues.” Lowered energy and being moody aren’t exactly a recipe for success when you’re trying to achieve your goals. A few tips for easing your SAD or winter blues include: spending more time outside during the day, keeping your curtains open during the day, sitting near or in natural light and building physical activity into your life before your symptoms start. If you think you are affected by SAD, talk to your doctor. You can find out more information here.

Our physical surroundings and environment have a direct link to your mood, productivity and energy levels. In the winter the sun rises later and sets earlier not leaving much, if any, opportunity for natural Vitamin D. The Dana Foundation has found, “Adequate Vitamin D levels will elevate your mood, improve your memory and increase other cognitive abilities.” The aforementioned positive effects of Vitamin D are what start to happen and continue throughout spring and summer, which is why it is the perfect time to set and complete your goals. With an elevated mood you are more resilient if you have a set-back throughout your process. An improved memory and increase of other cognitive abilities can aid you in and make you more receptive to change. Fresh air and being in nature also increases your energy levels, research has found that being surrounded by nature, in fresh air, increases energy in 90% percent of people. The smells that bein

 

g in nature provides have also be proven to release stress and increase happiness. A few examples being roses which promote relaxation, jasmine and lavender can increase your mood and lower anxiety, pine trees increases relaxation and decreases stress. The less anxiety you have, the less you will second guess yourself, the more you will reach for your goals!

 

In addition to Vitamin D, fresh air and the natural scents that energize and increase our mood, in the spring, you can physically see new plants or trees growing or flowers blossoming. In the summer is when we get to enjoy fresh fruits and vegetables. Around us we can see new beginnings and we are nourishing ourselves with fresh, replenishing, immune and energy boosting produce that are good for our bodies and minds. In the spring and summer, with more flora and fauna, you feel more apart of something. More people are outside, everything feels alive. It is almost hard to not be productive when you can see everything moving, changing and growing around you. Whether your goal, new habit or beginning is small or large, personal motivation, energy and positivity are all important factors when it comes achieving your goals. Feeling apart of something, having the opportunity to be outdoors, getting fresh air, naturally boosting your mood and energy can make your goals feel attainable.

Spring and summer are a fantastic time for a fresh start. You are physically and emotionally set-up for success. Take advantage of natural motivators this month, exceed your expectations. “Everything good, everything magical happens between the months of June and August.” —Jenny Han, The Summer I Turned Pretty

Written by Valerie Chalmers
www.valeriechalmers.com
Co Chair of Promotions & Marketing Committee, Niagara Leadership Summit for Women
Co Host of The Empowered Millennials Podcast
Member of Promotions & Marketing Committee, No Fixed Addresshttp://nfaniagara.com
Member of the St. Catharines Culture Plan Sub Committee

 

 

Sources

 

ScienceDirect – http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0272494409000838

NCBI, PubMed – https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19370942

Huffington Post – http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/03/25/spring-scents_n_5021358.html , http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/12/20/winter-scent-health-benefits_n_4473935.html

New BEE-ginnings

This past Spring I had the pleasure of witnessing, in action my daughter Emilee’s leap of faith into a new “out of the box” career in of all things BEEKEEPING. A far-cry from her post-secondary schooling in graphic design. Her new bee-ginning, like Emilee herself, happened in unique layers…… of research, coincidence, serendipity, a chance meeting and an interview that sealed the deal….her indomitable spirit and all those moments added up to her now working for the largest apiary in Niagara.

Beekeeping on such a large scale, is not easy to say the least, holding her own in a male dominated field, she comes home physically exhausted as beekeeping involves a lot of heavy lifting, sweaty as the suit covers you from head to toe, smelling of smoke which is used when opening up the hives, on rare occasions with a bee sting and …………. the happiest I have ever seen her!

As Spring brings graduations and the promise of new beginnings for graduates, let Emilee’s story demonstrate that your dream career and future take time to materialize, just be patient. Sometimes, it turns out that what you have gone to school for you don’t see yourself doing for the rest of your life, and that is okay. Emilee had to find the strength within herself to find her passion, redefine herself and have the confidence to pursue the career she wanted. She had to face set backs, and trust me there were a few, and continue to pursue her dream of working with bees and making an impact on the future of our environment.

My hope was to raise a socially conscience, independent young woman, and watching her through this process, I realized I had. A part of that for me was letting go, knowing she would be okay.
As a parent, it was sometimes difficult to watch her experience this process, and not try to make it “all right”. I was her sounding board, cheerleader and realized the best support I could give her through it all, was to let her figure it out on her own. She did.

Through her process, I have come to not only truly appreciate the Honeybee, but I am now a wealth of random facts about them. Honeybees are important pollinators for flowers, fruits, and vegetables, and unfortunately they are disappearing from hives due to colony collapse disorder, Which is why it is so important to build up the Honeybee population. My personal favourite: They do a little bee dance, which is their way of communicating to the other bees where the food source is – the dance is a map on how to get there!

This past spring I had the pleasure of witnessing an incredible leap of faith, and our bee population is better for it.

As we go on

I thought I would hop on the graduation theme this month, as I am surrounded by graduates right now because I work at Niagara College. As I am writing this, convocation is taking place right now down the hall (congratulations, graduates!).


I myself remember graduating university and then college, mostly because they both were on my birthday so it was extra special! I also remember being extremely sweaty because graduations never seem to have air conditioning. Add to that wearing a heavy gown and having a thousand people squished into a room, it gets pretty sticky. I also remember being so full of hope for my future when I first graduated university: thinking, “Man! I am so excited to get an awesome job in the real world and make money and move out and show everyone that I have a university degree!” Then I remember shortly after the actual graduation writing up my resume and literally having nothing to put on it besides that I completed a university degree. Now, that was clearly my fault for not getting involved enough, being proactive and doing more, but honestly I had no real world experience to throw in there. Luckily I didn’t worry too much because I had decided to go college for my post-grad, another year of not having to worry about adulating! A year later, when I graduated college, I knew that I still had a long road ahead of me to find a job in my chosen industry. I didn’t have any high expectations of getting my dream job, making a lot of money, or even having weekends off. I knew that I was going to graduate again and still work at my retail job for minimum wage. I knew that in my free time I would search for jobs like a mad woman, constantly update and work on my cover letter and resume, and be extremely poor while living with my parents (no shame, people!).

DON’T WORRY THOUGH, it all worked out. Six months later I did get a job in the field I went to school for and made decent money and eventually moved out. I was a real independent lady, but still extremely poor (thanks student loans!). I totally didn’t expect my life to turn out the way it did. Things change a lot after your graduate. I think most of the people I know went through a similar experience; and we are always willing to tell the younger generation that they are screwed when it comes to life after graduation. So I decided to ask a few friends of mine these questions:
“What do you know now that you wish you knew when you were graduating college/university?”
“What’s the most important piece of advice you would give to a new grad”

Here are some answers:
“I wish I knew about all of the services that were offered to me while I was in school and as an alumni, and almost all of them were FREE to me as a student. I really needed help get you career ready – having someone edit my resume, cover letter and help me with interview prep! I wish I knew about the Graduate Alumni Peer mentoring program to get me connected with someone working in my field of study. I would tell new grads to stay in touch with their college/university and connect with your peers. It’s very interesting to see where everyone ends up and how you can leverage your relationships. Network network network – it’s important to always be expanding your professional network. And, always carry business cards on you!”

“Don’t give up! Not everyone gets their dream job right out of school but keep trying. Continue to gain experience however you can whether it be through volunteering or working part-time in the field you want to be in. Sometimes you have to start at the bottom and work your butt off to get to the top but it’ll all be worth it in the end. Good luck!”

“Life doesn’t happen quickly, you can’t immediately get whatever you want just because you graduated. While you are in school you are always trying to pass the course to move on to the next one, or to finish the year so you can graduate, and it’s always go go go. Take your time in the workforce to try to learn as much as you possibly can because education never stops.”

“Man… that a university degree isn’t the golden ticket to getting your dream job. It’s a huge financial and personal commitment, so make sure you look at all your options and the consequences for your choice. Take the time to really look into your program/degree: What you can do with it? What opportunities are there in this field for me after I graduate? What post-graduate programs are available to me for career growth and success?”
“Life is way tougher than I thought! I would have went back to school instead of starting a job right away after my first graduation. Now I’m used to the money and a certain way of life, and it seems impossible for me to go back to being a full-time student. Everything is very competitive, and for every job there are hundreds of applicants; so the more you have that makes you stand out, the better. Another thing I wish I knew was to stand up for myself! In the work place and in life. Don’t get in the habit of thinking it’s a one time thing, because it usually never is. People get used to treating you a certain way, and everyone deserves to be treated with respect.”
“If you can’t find employment in your field volunteer wherever you can to gain more experience and make connections. You are still figuring out your life, live it, don’t let the pressure of what you think you “should” be at this point in your life stress you out. You are going to stress about plenty in your life don’t add to it, know your goal and keep going but also remember it is ok to change your goal as go.”

“Learn how to make a budget. Visit a financial advisor, and be smart with your money. Once you graduate, pay off as much of your students loans as you can. Paying that off should be your first priority.”

I hope that some of you are graduating or coming close to graduating, and are reading this right now. It’s easy to be naïve, young and get caught up in the moment when you are in post-secondary. The decisions you make during this time have consequences, and I think it’s easy to say that most of the answers I have collected have a common theme: life isn’t easy. Dream jobs don’t fall in your lap. You have to work hard, go above and beyond and keep fighting to have the things you want. Don’t wait until it’s too late to get your post-grad life in order, you need to start planning. Take the advice of those who have been through it; do as much as you can to make yourself stand on in this ever so competitive job market. Volunteer, get involved and make a difference. Be smart with your money, and your time. Research and ask questions.

I promise we aren’t all cynical and poor graduates. Best of luck to you all!

Blogger Talk

Donna

As students prepare for graduation, growing to a new phase in their lives, what advice would you give them that may help with this process?

Be fearless, keep your options open, and always choose in favour of your passions.  I believe you can do anything.

June has us celebrating Fathers, what sage advice or words of wisdom, has your Dad given you, that you want to share?

A man of few words, my Dad taught me that you never have to raise your voice to be heard.  Always be humble and kind.

What is/was your relationship with your Father like?  If you could change one thing, what would it be? 

My relationship with my Dad was one of ease, love and humour.  The only thing I would change is, he’d still be with us.

The month of June always brings such promise of renewal, what is your spring/summer renewal ritual?  Do you have one?

As soon as the sun warm the earth, you will find me wandering the Garden Centres.  Inhaling deeply to fill my soul, and buying way too many plants for the small gardening space I have.

Share with us something new that you have tried, are doing or embarking on this spring/summer.

Tried Edamame, and now I am hooked!  So delicious.

Valerie

As students prepare for graduation, growing to a new phase in their lives, what advice would you give them that may help with this process?

The best advice I can give to students getting ready to graduate is, explore. Explore your community, country, yourself or the world. Know that this is your life and you do not have to conform to societal expectations. One of the best parts of graduating is knowing you can take some time to discover yourself. Set goals, make a plan and do things for you. It is through self care and exploration that you will discover your place in the world. Never underestimate the value of exploring your own community, understanding where you are can help lead you to where you want to go.

Do you believe students graduating today in any field of study have been prepared for the future, for a career in their field?

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Healthy Co-Parenting with your Ex

Crystal

Let’s face it folks, times have changed. The traditional family is no longer that traditional. More and more often couples are finding themselves in a position where they no longer want to ‘couple’ but are, regardless, looking ahead at years of obligatory interaction due to their children.

For the past 6 years my ex and I have been called things like: weird, surreal, amazing, and the ‘poster children’ for divorce. As much as I enjoy praise, (come on, who doesn’t?) it also breaks my heart a little that our situation is so uncommon.

I have questioned what it is that makes our relationship one that, while never perfect, has always been equitable and pleasant. Is it because one or both of us are perfectly rational, emotionally mature individuals who should be therapists in our spare time? Uh…nope (shush Dan, I can hear you from here).

What we have found together, though, is a friendship that has grown roots in today, and plans for tomorrow, rather than lingering in yesterday. Here are the lessons we learned along the way, in the hopes that our style of healthy co-parenting becomes the norm rather than the exception.

1) THE KID COMES FIRST

This is the foundation upon which every decision we make is based. It is non-negotiable. This is, unfortunately, also where so many relationships go wrong. Anger and resentment gets in the way, people want to hit back, or score points. Stop it! This is not about you. It doesn’t matter who did what to get you there, the fact is you’re there. Take responsibility for the child you created, and their well-being. What is in their best interest? What kind of life do you want for them?

2) COMMUNICATE (PLEASANTLY)

Whether you are talking to or about your ex, be civil. Do not bad-mouth each other in front of your child. You once loved this person enough to procreate with them. Point out their positives when you can to your children, so they can recognize them as well. Every child starts being told “oh, you have your dad’s nose” or “you’re so your mother’s son”. Don’t let them have a negative association with that half of themselves.

Communicate regularly when possible. Before my ex was able to move closer, we used to meet up at a coffee place every weekend to exchange our son. We spent an hour or so chatting about our weeks and what was going in our son’s life. While you might not be there, consider what small changes you can work towards to make the situation less adversarial.

3) BE A FAMILY

Yep, you heard me. Do stuff together. No, it’s not going to ‘confuse’ your child. It’s going to help them understand that while there is a new living arrangement, being part of a family doesn’t stop. We do birthdays, Christmas, Mother’s/Father’s Day, even Halloween. Camping and road trips, while not common, have been done. This is something that I give my ex SO much credit for. Over the years he has always gone out of his way to ensure he is present. On my end, I have always ensured he knew he was welcome in anything we do.

This feeling of family extends though. His parents stay with me when they come over from England. They want to spend time with their Grandson, and I love that! My mother and he have a hilarious relationship that involves shameless flirting. We all come as a package, and if a step-parent comes into the picture, they will absolutely be wrapped in that package.

4) BE THE GROWN UP

SO many aspects of healthy co-parenting fall into this category. Often, when parents split, the relationship shifts from parent/child to grown up/buddy. They don’t need you as a friend. They need you as a guide, a rule-setter, a loving pair of arms, and a safe place to land. Don’t try to use them as a sounding board to vent your venom over the injustice of it all. It is NOT their problem, it’s yours. Call a friend, or a hotline. Open a bottle of wine after you’ve finished ‘adulting’ and have a Facebook rant. By trying to force your child into the role you want them to fill, you are denying them their childhood. Be the grown up they need you to be in this difficult time in their lives.

All of the small choices we’ve made through the years have all fallen into one of these categories. It has made our lives so much more positive, and frankly, so much more enjoyable. Kudos to all of you out there right now who are doing your best, and keeping your integrity in difficult circumstances. I wish you smoother seas ahead.

Just remember, when in doubt, go back to #1.

“If your mom was a super hero, what would her super power be?”

This year our bloggers wanted to know what their children’s responses would be to “If your mom was a super hero, what would her super power be?” Here are some of the responses:

Crystal

So, asking your kid “if I was a super hero, what would my super powers be?” opens up a dialogue I think every parent should have with their kid(s). My 9 year old son’s answers were both, by turns, eyebrow raising, laughter-inducing, and tear-jerking when I realized how impressed he is by the simple things I do every day. I think we both came away from our chat with an even bigger appreciation for each other.

Also, as a note, should people think this was easy, it took my kid 3 days to bother thinking about the question, and then the threat being unable to continue his video game should he not throw me a bone. So no, he isn’t quite as perfect as these answers are going to make him sound.

My super powers were:

1) Super strength-because when he comes home every day he lauches himself at me and I can still catch him with one arm.

2) Super human computer abilites-because I “know how to do everything on a laptop”

3) The ability to fix ANYTHING- I put a memory card in his smart watch and was sewing something at the time.

And my favourite:

4) The ability to stare down a villain until they tell the truth. Oh God that one made me laugh. Pretty self explanatory that one.

Laura

My daughter says: “Teleportation, because she’s never late.”

My son says: “The super power of infinite hugs.”

Holly

My four year old said that my super power would be, “Moana”. I don’t even know what that means… Lol!

Roxy

3 1/2 year-old Kayla says, “Elsa. You need to be Elsa!!! Elsa got powers. Blue powers that froze Anna’s heart.”

Brande

“My moms super power is knowing what I’ve done, from the things I don’t say.”

Autumn

My 9 year-old son Jesse says “To give people lots more health and to have more health for you too. To give health whenever you touch somebody.” My 6 yr old Savannah says ” To stick on the wall and lazer eyes and other thing too..let me fink…electrocute hands and one more thing o.k…o.k…ummm Speedy.” lololol I am sure going to be busy as a super hero!! I better go get some sleep! hahahaa

Happy Mother’s Day

Volunteer Spotlight: Katie

We met Katie Ritchie for the first time when we were planning our first Coldest Night of the Year fundraiser. That year, it was mostly speaking to her on the phone and having a chance to get to know her a bit when she and her children participated in the walk.

Katie and Laura at CNOY 2017

This year, when Phelps Homes made a three-year commitment to be our Presenting Sponsor (a first for Coldest Night of the Year community), Katie enthusiastically joined our Organizing Committee. With her help, we were able to arrange a couple more community launch events and garner more community support throughout West Niagara.

For the second year in a row, Katie also captained the Phelps Homes team, which raised nearly $5,000 toward our $60,000 goal.

Katie and the Phelps Team

 Volunteers like Katie make our work so much easier. Thank you, Katie, for all you’ve done to help grow Coldest Night of the Year – West Niagara toward continued success.

World YWCA Day

Today is World YWCA Day. The theme for World YWCA Day is Rise Up! Support and Invest in Young Women’s Rights. It’s one day where we can celebrate our accomplishments. It’s also National Volunteer Week. Immediately, we thought of our Board President Jennifer Bonato. She is the perfect example of rising up.

Jennifer speaking at our Annual General Meeting

Jennifer is a life-long Niagara resident who is passionate about social justice-based advocacy – which is why the YWCA has been a great fit for her. With an academic history grounded in women’s and gender studies and feminist theory, Jennifer actively promotes the use of one’s sociological imagination in the every day.

Jennifer completed a Bachelor of Arts in Sociology in 2013, and a Graduate Certificate in Public Relations in 2014. In 2016, Jennifer received her Master of Arts in Critical Sociology. Jennifer’s Graduate research explores the social and political aspects of biotechnology in agriculture, and was presented at the International Rural Sociology Association’s 2016 World Congress.

She’s taking on more of a role this year as well becoming Co-Committee Chair of the Niagara Leadership Summit for Women. What does this mean? Along with Julie Rorison another board member and influential female within the community who rises up constantly, they will ensure that this Niagara Leadership Summit for Women will be the best one yet.

Her impact doesn’t stop there. Jennifer wanted to create more awareness in high schools about the growing problem of homelessness in Niagara. But she wanted to do something that would be fun for the students to participate in to ensure that they students actually came out. This is how our Hockey Helping Homes event began.

We are extremely grateful and lucky that Jennifer chooses to dedicate her time to our organization, furthering our mission of empowering women.

Thank you Jennifer for all you do!

You can follow Jennifer on Twitter @jenniferbonato

Spotlight: Teresa

This week for Volunteer Appreciation Month, the YWCA would like to spotlight Teresa Butson. Teresa has joined the YWCA in October of 2016 after have moving to St. Catharines following her retirement. While looking for more opportunities to help the community, Teresa explained that the YWCA seemed to jump up at her.  Why did she choose the YWCA you ask? 

“I wanted to find a place to volunteer somewhere that allowed me to help others but also helped me grow as a person and as part of the community. It is important to me that I feel like I am contributing every day, even just a little. Because I am able to accomplish all of these things at the YWCA, it is truly gratifying.”

When asked what her favourite volunteer experience has been with the YWCA, Teresa revealed that she could not pick just one experience. “The YWCA provides a very warm, welcoming, and family-like environment,” Teresa explains, “it’s nice to see the friendliness between staff, volunteers, you can tell everyone that is here, wants to be. For this reason I can’t pick just one experience to call my favourite, every day here is a good day.”

Volunteerism promotes lots of excellent values. The most valuable takeaway Teresa has learned through volunteering has been that; “You must be willing to give and take in order for your experience to be mutually rewarding.” Teresa wishes to continue to learn about the YWCA, how it supports the community and what more she can do in order to support them.

Although Teresa has said she does not feel as though she needs anything special or formal in regards to feeling appreciated, she delights in watching the process of women and families becoming independent and “learning to stand on their own two feet”. When speaking of new potential volunteers, Teresa believes it is important to have an open mind in terms of learning about others, how they live, and their stories. She also mentions that it is okay to ask questions as we should not assume that we will always have the answer. Lastly, we asked Teresa how she feels women should be empowering one another. With a warm smile, said

“I believe that it is all of our responsibility to share knowledge with each other.Even more so at my age, in having experience in different areas of my life, I believe I have a duty to share my stories and help support those who need it. By doing this, I, along with others can help to build a happy and healthy community.”

Thanks Teresa for all you do, every week! ~ YW Staff

Question of the Month: How has someone appreciated you that has made it memorable?

How has someone appreciated you that has made it memorable?

Dana

I was helping a wonderful group of people organize a third-party event to raise money for a cause that was very special to them. I worked at the organization, so of course helping them was part of my job. They were extremely proactive, organized, and optimistic about the event, they basically had everything planned and ready to go. I was just needed for a few small things, and to help promote the event.

The event came and went, and it was a great success. I was so happy to have had the chance to meet the organizers and help them achieve their goal. About a week after the event, I got a card in the mail from the organizers. It was just a sweet and simple thank you card with some sweet messages. It made me so happy; I think I usually expect an informal thank you e-mail or nothing at all (and there’s definitely nothing wrong with that!), but to get an actual card with some heartfelt messages was very special. It was extremely special because I didn’t do a whole lot, but I was there for them if they needed anything. It was nice to know they were thinking about me and wanted to appreciate me.

I could tell how proud they were of themselves for successfully organizing such an amazing fundraiser. I was happy to be included in their success and I still have the thank you card a year later. It makes me smile every time I look at it on my bulletin board. It’s funny actually, because I have never been a big fan of cards (holiday, greeting, thank you, etc.) for some reason. I usually make my own cards and write my own special message to my friend or family member. But, I actually have a box of cards that other people have given or sent me over the years, and I keep them because of the special message that is in them. I also have kept some love notes that my boyfriend gave me when we were first dating. They are on scrap pieces of paper, only a few words or sentences, but I keep them in my wallet and always look at them for a cheer me up.

That actually made me think about the way I show appreciation to others (maybe I shouldn’t be so against greeting cards!). Maybe I should take some time to make my “thank yous” to others a little more memorable. I had a friend help me with my taxes; I felt like I was messaging her non-stop with questions and help. She never once acted annoyed and always stopped what she was doing to help me. I knew she was a Starbucks lover, so I sent her an e-gift card early in the morning so she could use it on her way to work. She was so very happy that I sent her a little gift with a nice message in it. I felt good about making her feel good!

My Identity Defines My Feminism

Slavica

When we hear about feminism in the media, it seems to be this homogenous idea for all women, that represents all women but what pop culture understands as feminism is only a small portion of the vast varieties of FEMINISMS. Yes feminisms, plural not singular. The movement in its inception was only represented by white, upper middle class, heterosexual, cisgender women. Black women, lesbian women, immigrants, indigenous, poor, disabled, trans, none of these women were talked about or represented and as the second wave approached feminism started to redefine itself by these women who felt they needed a voice of their own.

By the time the third wave had hit, we had defined feminism through the
concept of intersectionality. Intersectionality looks at how a person’s various identities can affect their experiences. For example, how would ones class and race affect their experiences of the world? If for example you were poor and white, your skin colour would give you privilege. Simple truth is, you wouldn’t have to worry about being followed around in a store in fear that you might steal something because rationally we know stealing is about an individual’s choice. But we make it a race problem because we associate certain qualities like criminality to different groups of people. In this way we disempower certain people based on the categories of identity they inhabit.

To me, history plays a key role in understanding feminism because if the structures of the past were really gone than it would be history but they’re not. To say something is in the past like slavery is to deny the structure of oppression has just transformed to something more subtle like when racist ideologies within a society link criminality to race. That’s why the argument that feminism is not needed anymore because women have achieved rights means nothing. Patriarchy has just transformed the way it oppresses women, regardless of the rights we won.

This understanding of the importance of history in feminism came from me trying to learn about my own historical and cultural identity. Personally, I never felt I fit into the stereotypical Serbian identity but I couldn’t throw away my heritage. I enjoyed having a unique culture but I was also assimilated within the Canadian context. Never fully Serbian or Canadian where ever I went. However, recently I have accepted that I am both a Canadian citizen and a Serbian Immigrant and I don’t have to choose either identity. Both pieces makeup the whole that is my existence.

Unfortunately, with the rise of nationalism and colonial ideologies of the “white nation”, time has shown that nothing is ever truly in the past, it just changes form. As Trumps America is resembling Hitler’s Nazi Germany in the 21st century context of globalization and capitalism, more and more. We need feminism more and more. We need people to understand that tearing others apart and oppressing them because of their differences won’t make a country great. Instead, it will tear itself apart.