Tag Archives: Obsessive

I had a feeling…

I’m getting married. This makes me smile. It’s a smile filled with contentment, excitement and questions about our future and where it will lead us. I smile, because I’m marrying the one and only person I should be.

Unlike most of my friends or women I know, I never daydreamed about having a wedding. Sure, I forced my Barbie’s to wear a big elaborate wedding gown and awkwardly kiss her groom in front of my other dolls, but that was her life…not mine.

It surprised people. Honestly shocked everyone that I didn’t have some big ‘vision’ for my big day….and in fact was fighting against even having a wedding. (I had perfectly good visions of hitting up the local JOP, and popping a bottle of champagne on a beach later that night.) I literally had to be talked into it by my fiancé, mother and best friend. My fiancé felt it was important to share this day with family and friends- not to mention that it was ‘Our Turn’. My mother- well… I’m an only daughter-Nuff said. My best friend….she wanted to be my Maid of Honor damn it!
Here’s where I’ll get honest and admit to the main reason I didn’t want to have a big wedding.
It’s because I knewmyself too well.
I cannot do something half assed. I plan, plan, plan, obsess, obsess, obsess. I have plans for my plans. I have lists, boards, mockups and itineraries. I have control issues, passive-aggressive issues, and a never ending need on top of this to still try to please everyone. I’m also incredibly sensitive.
All in all this makes for a disaster in the making. Oh the wedding would be amazing….however there would be some downed soldiers along the way. This I knew.
So, I fought having the big wedding. I gave my long list of rebuttals and arguments. But… there was also that part of me that wanted it too! I wanted to share my excitement with everyone. I wanted to see my groom’s face at the end of the aisle. I wanted to have my son walk me down that isle.
So….I’m having a wedding.
I’ll be honest, once I started allowing myself to have a vision, things just fell into place. Some things have been surprisingly easy, some not so much.
Everyone tells me that it’ll all be worth it, and that on the day of I will be so wrapped up in everything that is going on I won’t even notice all those anal details I’ve been obsessing about. (Snort….we’ll see about that!)  Everyone also keeps telling me to relax and enjoy this process.  I’ll get back to you when I finally start to allow that to happen.
P.S. I’m going to toast that moment with a bottle of champagne.

Photo Credit: “Real Wedding Album: Barbie & Ken