Tag Archives: Marriage

Getting to Know You

Valentines Day has passed, but relationships are still on our minds! This month, our Bloggers chose three of five questions about all forms of relationships.

Evelyn

YWCA pictureTried, Tested and True – your best piece of relationship advice you want to share with the world is..?

Communication and respect. When we’re angry, some of us can say some really mean things and the filter that we usually have is ignored. There is a reason why that filter is there. I think we need to try and see through all of the “red” and decide on what is best for the long-term of the relationship rather than try and hurt the other person as best as we can in that split second. Communication is key on defining what needs to be compromised on or what makes us uncomfortable, etc. but without respect, there will be more harm done than good.

What do you think makes any relationship stand the test of time?

I think relationships will last if both sides reach out to each other. Nobody wants to feel like they’re the only one trying in a relationship!

What I love about my best friend is ..?

I’m close to my sister because even though we are not in the same city, we still communicate on a daily basis and share our fears and achievements.

 

Donna

Tried, Tested and True – your best piece of relationship advice you want to share with the world is…

Don’t keep score.

 You knew you were in love when..?

It wasn’t the flowers, dinners out at fancy restaurants or even the weekend away during our first few months of dating.  These were all lovely and very much appreciated.  It was the moment he stopped, looked concerned and then easily fixed my front door screen from slamming shut, so the girls and I wouldn’t get hurt by it. 

That small gesture, melted my heart.

What I love about my best friend is ..?

I know, without a doubt that she will tell me exactly what I need to know – not always what I want to hear.  She is my sounding board, my champion and partner in crime!

 

Cate

Tried, Tested and True – your best piece of relationship advice you want to share with the world is..?

Appreciate the little things; and this applies to any relationship, be it romantic, familial, platonic or professional. Oftentimes as we grow within our relationships, we can lose sight of why we enjoy spending time with that person or what drew us to them in the first place when we initially met. Sometimes our focus can be redirected towards how we can benefit from our relationships in a material way; unfortunately disregarding the other person is as an innate and caring individual. We tend to expect more out of people who we’ve known for a long time and as time goes on, this can build up to astronomical levels where your efforts, or theirs, don’t seem to meet the expectations anymore. Instead, I focus on the little things, such as bringing extra food to share in the office, giving them a ride to school, or setting aside an entire day or weekend to do things that we both love. It’s the little things, I find, that I remember the most.

You knew you were in love when..?cate

I caught him looking at me for an oddly long time, once during our first summer together. We were driving around in my hometown and as we stopped at a red light, I could feel him looking at me, so I looked at him in return. He wouldn’t break his gaze with me and at first I thought that there was something on my face, or there was something wrong with my hair or clothes. So I asked him, “what is it?”, to which he replied, “Nothing. Can’t I just admire you?” Three years later and he still does this periodically, each time reminding me how much I love him.

Fill in the blanks: I’m close to __________ because _________?

I’m close to my little sister because she is the most compassionate and patient person I know.

 

Marilyn

marTried, Tested and True – your best piece of relationship advice you want to share with the world is..?

My best piece of relationship advice is to remember to continue growing with your partner!  We all change and evolve over time and if we don’t embrace these changes, we risk growing apart. Keep each other in the loop about new and interesting changes or opportunities that are happening in your life. Continue to grow as an individual and learn new things to share with your partner. Take an active interest in your partners hobbies.  Date nights and romance are very important! Make time to pamper each other. Treat each other to thoughtful gestures or meaningful gifts to create beautiful lasting memories. And lastly, be kind to each other!

What I love about my best friend is ..?

What I love about my best friend is his loyalty, dedication, and sense of humour. I love having him for my trusted companion. 

What do you think makes any relationship stand the test of time?

I think commitment and hard work is what makes any relationship stand the test of time. You have to be willing to ride out the tough times without turning on each other. 

 

Joan

What I love about my best friend is ..?

What I love about my best friend is that she is funny and she is always there for me. She gives me realistic advice and always has my best interests in mind. 

Worse relationship advice you ever got, and from who?cosmo

I think Cosmo gives unrealistic and terrible flirting/relationship advice. To further prove my point, here is a BuzzFeed video that shows girls trying these tips on guys.

What do you think makes any relationship stand the test of time?

I think communication is important for a relationship to be able to stand the test of time. By communicating with your partner, you guys get a clear understanding of how one feels towards an issue and how to best resolve an issue. 

Michelle

What I love about my best friend is ..?

I love that my best friend is as completely crazy and insane as me and we are able to cry laughing while doing completely mundane things like grocery shopping. It doesn’t matter how often we see each other because I know regardless of my circumstances she is just a phone call away. She’s the person I can call at 4am from across the country and she would find a way to pick me up. 

What do you think makes any relationship stand the test of time?

I think common interests and goals are very important when considering if a relationship will work out long term and I think too often we try to sell the mantra that “opposites attract”. I think that while opposing perspectives might initially bring you two together, I think being able to find common ground will likely KEEP you two together. 

carrieBest relationship advice you ever got, and from who?

The best relationship advice I have received would definitely be from none other than Carrie Bradshaw (#sexandthecity), who showed us that life can begin again after a disastrous relationship and that best friends are our true soulmates in life. 

 

Sami-Jo

Tried, Tested and True – your best piece of relationship advice you want to share with the world is..?

SAMIErase the illusion of perfection. Everyone likes to brag about their significant other. What you say to others is your business, but the expectations you hold to each other should include room for imperfections. Whether that be in ways you handle anger, sadness, or happiness, how you fail to pick up wet towels from the bathroom floor, or how you suck at cooking and wouldn’t be alive if the other didn’t take time to feed you every day, flaws exist and should be embraced. Sounds easy, but we tend to put the toughest expectations on the ones we hold the closest. They should be the ones we shower with forgiveness for not being perfect human beings, yet still the one you’ve chosen to build a life with. Remember, you’re not perfect either, and at some point, you’ll need understanding more than an anecdote to brag about.

You knew you were in love when..?

My sixteen year old heart thought I was in love the moment my husband – then boyfriend – grabbed my hand in the lobby of the movie theater back in 2000. And maybe I was. I do remember him leaving on the train for basic training in the army less than two years later and thinking if I never saw him again that I would be compromised as a human being, that I wasn’t sure I was equipped to deal with that loss. I wanted him in my life day in and day out and the separation was near unbearable. At some point between not shying away from holding his hand to crying in the train station, love had formed without me pinpointing the moment, but I knew it existed.

What do you think makes any relationship stand the test of time?

I should have a great answer for this because I’ve been in a relationship for 14+ years, but I’m not so sure I do. Over the years my husband and I have had issues like any couple. Maybe the difference between us and others who have since fallen apart was our refusal to give up on each other. Understanding can be the most difficult, especially when you disagree so wholeheartedly with whatever issue you’re facing. Reminding ourselves that the other thinks the way they do and acts the way they do for a reason, and that there’s much more to the person you love then this current debate or perceived ‘irreconcilable difference’, can get back to the core of the relationship and find a way to move on. As long as you’re not compromising your base values, a solution is always possible for those who would rather fight to be together than take the easy way out by ending it all.

I wasn’t treating my husband fairly…

How would you describe your relationship with your significant other? I’ve always felt mine is pretty good. I mean really great on a lot of levels, and needs improvement on some—so it balances out right?

Well, my “Aha Moment” on my relationship happened when I stumbled across a blog from  MissFranJanSan that a friend had posted on his Facebook. As I sat there reading, I realized I was blushing, and by the time I’d finished I had tears in my eyes.

dishesMy “Aha Moment” prompted me to make a real effort to think before I speak (complain). It’s helped me to send myself quick reminders that instead of stomping around the house acting like I have to do everything, I can just easily ask for help—and that while it may not be done exactly the way I like it, that’s okay too. And I truly believe that by doing this my relationship will be that much more balanced.

Anyway—after reading this I decided that I just had to share, and as the author wrote this so beautifully I would just simply say—that I’m grateful for having read it, and will try to keep her words in mind. Hopefully this upcoming Valentine’s Day we can all give the gift of appreciation and praise.

Here’s an excerpt from the Blog:vwr7x-husband-600

I asked, “What’s this?”

“Hamburger meat,” he replied, slightly confused.

“You didn’t get the right kind,” I said.

“I didn’t?” He replied with his brow furrowed. ” Was there some other brand you wanted or something?”

“No. You’re missing the point, ” I said. “You got the 70/30. I always get at least the 80/20.”

He laughed. “Oh. That’s all? I thought I’d really messed up or something.”

That’s how it started. I launched into him. I berated him for not being smarter. Why would he not get the more healthy option? Did he even read the labels? Why can’t I trust him? Do I need to spell out every little thing for him in minute detail so he gets it right? Also, and the thing I was probably most offended by, why wasn’t he more observant? How could he not have noticed over the years what I always get? Does he not pay attention to anything I do?

Continue Reading Here

I had a feeling…

I’m getting married. This makes me smile. It’s a smile filled with contentment, excitement and questions about our future and where it will lead us. I smile, because I’m marrying the one and only person I should be.

Unlike most of my friends or women I know, I never daydreamed about having a wedding. Sure, I forced my Barbie’s to wear a big elaborate wedding gown and awkwardly kiss her groom in front of my other dolls, but that was her life…not mine.

It surprised people. Honestly shocked everyone that I didn’t have some big ‘vision’ for my big day….and in fact was fighting against even having a wedding. (I had perfectly good visions of hitting up the local JOP, and popping a bottle of champagne on a beach later that night.) I literally had to be talked into it by my fiancé, mother and best friend. My fiancé felt it was important to share this day with family and friends- not to mention that it was ‘Our Turn’. My mother- well… I’m an only daughter-Nuff said. My best friend….she wanted to be my Maid of Honor damn it!
Here’s where I’ll get honest and admit to the main reason I didn’t want to have a big wedding.
It’s because I knewmyself too well.
I cannot do something half assed. I plan, plan, plan, obsess, obsess, obsess. I have plans for my plans. I have lists, boards, mockups and itineraries. I have control issues, passive-aggressive issues, and a never ending need on top of this to still try to please everyone. I’m also incredibly sensitive.
All in all this makes for a disaster in the making. Oh the wedding would be amazing….however there would be some downed soldiers along the way. This I knew.
So, I fought having the big wedding. I gave my long list of rebuttals and arguments. But… there was also that part of me that wanted it too! I wanted to share my excitement with everyone. I wanted to see my groom’s face at the end of the aisle. I wanted to have my son walk me down that isle.
So….I’m having a wedding.
I’ll be honest, once I started allowing myself to have a vision, things just fell into place. Some things have been surprisingly easy, some not so much.
Everyone tells me that it’ll all be worth it, and that on the day of I will be so wrapped up in everything that is going on I won’t even notice all those anal details I’ve been obsessing about. (Snort….we’ll see about that!)  Everyone also keeps telling me to relax and enjoy this process.  I’ll get back to you when I finally start to allow that to happen.
P.S. I’m going to toast that moment with a bottle of champagne.

Photo Credit: “Real Wedding Album: Barbie & Ken