I have a confession to make….
I am not super woman.
Surprised me too!
I am a busy, working woman and mother. Sometimes a stressed out, tired out, angry woman. But it’s often that I bring it on myself. I have this insane idea that I can do it all, or at least, should attempt to on a daily basis. (Maybe it’s all the elaborate, beautiful fun idea’s to do with your kids that you see on Pinterest….maybe it’s the other mom friends of mine who constantly post about what they are up to with their families….seriously, I get exhausted reading it!) I just know I struggle daily with a nagging guilt to do more, to be more in control of my home (I’m not a nice person when it’s not up to my standards) to be a better parent and to be a carefree, “who cares if the house looks like a tornado hit it” kinda wife.
Women….hear me roar!! Is there anyone else that feels like banging their head on the counter watching your husband or kids empty the dishwasher? Anyone else standing there biting their tongue because they are putting everything in all the wrong places, or not in the neat, lined up way that you do it?
Super woman to the rescue….I’ll just do it myself, thanks.
Do I really wonder why I’m tired, cranky and bordering on setting the house on fire some days? Don’t get me wrong, my soon to be husband typically does the cooking, which is a huge help and much appreciated by all, but I think I’ve now trained him not to help around the house because my annoyed little expressions scare him off.
So by the time I get home from work, clean up what I can, get some laundry done etc. I’m exhausted and really just want to sit down with a glass of wine and zone out. That’s usually about the time my son asks to play a card game, or have me watch him play some video game.
NO. NO …no…. please!!!!
I’m writing this because I’ve recently come to a realization. Again.
Years ago, I wrote my son a poem apologizing to him for not doing enough, for him. I get so caught up in the day to day grind, my incessant need to have a perfectly clean house and my own desire to shut down, that this poor kid usually ends up being the last on my to-do list.
I need to realize that when it comes down to it, I won’t look back regretting that my dishes weren’t done on Monday, June 1, 2013. I won’t look back wishing I had cleaned the garage out on that particular weekend. I won’t regret leaving the cups and glasses the way they were stacked. But I will regret not spending the quality time with my family that they deserve. I will regret not taking an hour out of my evening to ensure my son feels wanted, secure…loved.
I need to learn to relax. I need to learn that it’s okay that I’m not super woman.
I’d like to share the poem I wrote my son years ago, and though he’s grown, and his interests have changed, I realized that his needs haven’t. He still needs me. My attention. My love. The dishes- can wait.
Hope you enjoy, and this inspires you to play today:
You say to me,
Mommy, let’s play’
And I say baby,
Mommy’s tired, mommy’s busy,
I have so many things to….
And then that little voice,
Your little voice
Reminds me that I could be,
So much more…
I need your reminders,
That your just..so little.
And that you need me.
My imagination, my strength,
To be your everything.
I want to be that.
I want to join you,
In mad scientist adventures,
And lego buildoffs,
In blanket forts, and coloring creations.
I miss your energy,
that I was once instilled with.
And I cry.
Because I fear you deserve,
so much better,
than I have given.
You, The master of your universe,
And the center of my world..
Who has somehow been put on the plateau
of things to do today.
You are joyous and amazing,
Loving and generous
And I pray
I don’t somehow bury those parts of you
with my selfishness and lack of trying.
And so I promise myself,
to give to you,
My laughter and smiles,
My silliness and Hope
My love for today and every tomorrow.